I've lost my creativity...
I'm trying to find
this something I threw away
maybe just a brevity I
had for a short time
in my life
can I find in a future day
hopefully
faith lost
not for long
searching I go on
a touch of frost since
this hearts' heat gone
my strength weakened
love washed
it's begone
finding the me
seeking the I
on a journey
looking for within
seeking, using
my third and 4th eye
out there she is
maybe, I heard
patience is key
sorry to say
like garbage
I treated the one
that made me
we
karma I don't believe
it's hard to say
karma
it's hard to heave
since it all came back
on me like a big pack
of metal sleeves
cutting into me
I've lost my creativity
which I love
finding it is
my doves search
finding it
vis a vis
maybe if it finds me
I'll be ready
once more
to open
another door
one day you'll read
I found my creativity
on that day
love too
shall never again
escape this which is me
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
A Great Love
" A great love is a lot like a good memory. When it's there, and you know it's there, but it's just out of your reach...It can be all that you think about. You can focus on it and try to force it, but the more you do the more you seem to push it away...but if your patient and you hold still, well maybe...just maybe - it'll come to you. I just need to make sure I'm somewhere that she can find me." - RvB S8E2
Monday, July 4, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
1 Corinthians 16:13
1 Corinthians 16:13 - "Be watchful. Stand firm in faith. Act like men. Be strong."
I'm in a writing kind of mood lately. This is my art, this is my haven, this is the deepest part of me. I'm acting right now, acting like a fool. I've been tested by fire and even going through that, I've been holding back. I'm letting other forces control me. I know what it takes, I know what to do; yet I do not do it. How does the saying go; "to know and not to do is to not really know." I forget who said it, I could Google it, but I'll let you do that...
Be watchful.
Yes, observe the world around you. Too many people are just living day to day, letting life control them. They are not watching their surroundings, they are not watching themselves. I believe this sentence goes both ways. Watch others, see what they do. Learn from them, learn from their successes, but most importantly learn from their failures. The second part, watch yourself. Reflect on your actions, understand what thoughts started the chain of events that put you in the situation you are in today. If you don't like it, change your thinking. Watching what you think should be the key, everything else falls into place after that.
Stand firm in faith.
The question you ask, faith in what? Faith in what you believe. Who cares if someone tells you what you're doing is right or wrong. Only God can judge you. If you don't believe in God, well He's going to judge you for that too. Have faith in what you do, in why you're doing it. Have faith in the reason of why and how you decided to go along doing whatever it is you do. Stand firm. Too many people are wishy-washy. Letting the tide over-run them, not going against the current. I accuse myself of this too, I have become a "swimmer-with-the-current," rather than an "up-streamer." My knees have faltered, my thick skin has softened, my spine has loosened. Good in some ways, but bad in a lot. I've lost my stance, I'm slowly regaining it again. It's better if we stand together, don't you think?
Act like men.
We're a generation raised by women. My father was busy working for his career and his family when I was growing up,good for him. Bad for me when I was seeking guidance. He was gone a lot. I truly can say, when it came to questioning of what a man was and what he was supposed to do...I learned from outside sources. These outside sources were fighting for my attention. The men I saw on t.v., the men I saw and learned from in the church, the men that coached me (our biggest examples growing up), and my father. I believe the television set raised me more than my parents, teachers, coaches, and pastors ever did or had done. This is a great struggle. What is a "man," and how should he act? I don't think it's these sissy boys our generation is raising. When the men of a country falter and don't stand and act for the truth, the country falters soon after. I have dedicated part of my life to teaching this to young men, and I hope I can be the example I need to be. I suggest you men read, "Wild at Heart," by John Eldredge.
Be strong.
Yes, be strong. Physically, for your health purposes but ever the more mentally. Mental strength, is the top priority. Not every one is able to physically be strong. The first thing one should do is to work on their mental strength. Your muscles and bones will become brittle in time, your brain though is the muscle that will take you to any heights you want to achieve. I know I'm not the biggest guy nor the strongest but I do what I can with what I have. Be strong for yourself, be strong for others. Take your first step into gaining strength in any area of your life in which you think you are weak. Whether it's pulling or pushing that weight, whether it's taking that first step into gaining new relationships, whether it's learning how to overcome that new challenge, or whether it's having strength in knowing that you're weak in certain areas and being able to conquer adversity. Be strong for yourself, but moreover, be strong for others.
I may be the only one that ever reads this, I may be the only one whoever gets something out of this. If one person can grow and change from this, that is all that matters. Talking the talk is easy, all we have to do is move our mouth and our lips. Can we though, walk the walk and keep walking - till our time is up? See you at life's finish line...
1 Corinthians 16:13 - "Be watchful. Stand firm in faith. Act like men. Be strong."
I'm in a writing kind of mood lately. This is my art, this is my haven, this is the deepest part of me. I'm acting right now, acting like a fool. I've been tested by fire and even going through that, I've been holding back. I'm letting other forces control me. I know what it takes, I know what to do; yet I do not do it. How does the saying go; "to know and not to do is to not really know." I forget who said it, I could Google it, but I'll let you do that...
Be watchful.
Yes, observe the world around you. Too many people are just living day to day, letting life control them. They are not watching their surroundings, they are not watching themselves. I believe this sentence goes both ways. Watch others, see what they do. Learn from them, learn from their successes, but most importantly learn from their failures. The second part, watch yourself. Reflect on your actions, understand what thoughts started the chain of events that put you in the situation you are in today. If you don't like it, change your thinking. Watching what you think should be the key, everything else falls into place after that.
Stand firm in faith.
The question you ask, faith in what? Faith in what you believe. Who cares if someone tells you what you're doing is right or wrong. Only God can judge you. If you don't believe in God, well He's going to judge you for that too. Have faith in what you do, in why you're doing it. Have faith in the reason of why and how you decided to go along doing whatever it is you do. Stand firm. Too many people are wishy-washy. Letting the tide over-run them, not going against the current. I accuse myself of this too, I have become a "swimmer-with-the-current," rather than an "up-streamer." My knees have faltered, my thick skin has softened, my spine has loosened. Good in some ways, but bad in a lot. I've lost my stance, I'm slowly regaining it again. It's better if we stand together, don't you think?
Act like men.
We're a generation raised by women. My father was busy working for his career and his family when I was growing up,good for him. Bad for me when I was seeking guidance. He was gone a lot. I truly can say, when it came to questioning of what a man was and what he was supposed to do...I learned from outside sources. These outside sources were fighting for my attention. The men I saw on t.v., the men I saw and learned from in the church, the men that coached me (our biggest examples growing up), and my father. I believe the television set raised me more than my parents, teachers, coaches, and pastors ever did or had done. This is a great struggle. What is a "man," and how should he act? I don't think it's these sissy boys our generation is raising. When the men of a country falter and don't stand and act for the truth, the country falters soon after. I have dedicated part of my life to teaching this to young men, and I hope I can be the example I need to be. I suggest you men read, "Wild at Heart," by John Eldredge.
Be strong.
Yes, be strong. Physically, for your health purposes but ever the more mentally. Mental strength, is the top priority. Not every one is able to physically be strong. The first thing one should do is to work on their mental strength. Your muscles and bones will become brittle in time, your brain though is the muscle that will take you to any heights you want to achieve. I know I'm not the biggest guy nor the strongest but I do what I can with what I have. Be strong for yourself, be strong for others. Take your first step into gaining strength in any area of your life in which you think you are weak. Whether it's pulling or pushing that weight, whether it's taking that first step into gaining new relationships, whether it's learning how to overcome that new challenge, or whether it's having strength in knowing that you're weak in certain areas and being able to conquer adversity. Be strong for yourself, but moreover, be strong for others.
I may be the only one that ever reads this, I may be the only one whoever gets something out of this. If one person can grow and change from this, that is all that matters. Talking the talk is easy, all we have to do is move our mouth and our lips. Can we though, walk the walk and keep walking - till our time is up? See you at life's finish line...
1 Corinthians 16:13 - "Be watchful. Stand firm in faith. Act like men. Be strong."
Monday, June 27, 2011
"Remember that you are Human..."
I recently came across a great line in history. This passage comes out of the book, "Cicero: The Life and Times of Rome's Greatest Politician," by Anthony Everitt. I suggest that you go and buy a copy of this great book that tells the story about one of Rome's greatest minds and persona's during a time of great achievement, of great victory, of great loss, and during a time of great destruction in ancient Roman history. Are you ready? The passage goes like this...
"Finally, Pompey himself appeared in a gem-encrusted chariot; he had a wreath of bay leaves on his head and was dressed in a purple toga decorated with golden stars. A cloak belonging to Alexander the Great hung from his shoulders. His face was covered in red lead, for the victor was supposed to represent Jupiter, king of the Gods. A slave also stood in the chariot and whispered in his ear: 'Remember that you are human...'"
It is in this last line that I take interest. In which I want to point out to you, to remember that you too are human. In all the glories, in all the successes, in all the winnings, and in all the conquering you will do and have done, remember this one line. Remember that you are just another being, another person, someone who came in to this world just like us, someone that will go out of this world just like those before. All those in the spot light, in the headlines, and on the t.v. screens - they too are just human. Be humble in life, before life starts to humble you instead. Believe me, it's better when you do it, rather than the other way around. Even Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. The One and Only, on his knees, at the feet of his servants, serving them himself. The hundreds of years before and those to come, the Romans had it right. Acting as if they were the god Jupiter, after they had won in a major battle, painted in red, riding in their chariots and with their massive armies behind them; having to be reminded by a Slave that even they - are still human. When you face that someone who seems to cut you down, who seems to push you around, who mentally or physically rules you - remember they too are just human. When that person that has millions more than you, or that person who has accomplished more in 5 years than most people will do their entire lives, remember. Equal throughout time, just humans. I may just be blabbering now, but I hope you get my point...
"A slave also stood in the chariot and whispered in his ear: 'Remember that you are human...'"
"Finally, Pompey himself appeared in a gem-encrusted chariot; he had a wreath of bay leaves on his head and was dressed in a purple toga decorated with golden stars. A cloak belonging to Alexander the Great hung from his shoulders. His face was covered in red lead, for the victor was supposed to represent Jupiter, king of the Gods. A slave also stood in the chariot and whispered in his ear: 'Remember that you are human...'"
It is in this last line that I take interest. In which I want to point out to you, to remember that you too are human. In all the glories, in all the successes, in all the winnings, and in all the conquering you will do and have done, remember this one line. Remember that you are just another being, another person, someone who came in to this world just like us, someone that will go out of this world just like those before. All those in the spot light, in the headlines, and on the t.v. screens - they too are just human. Be humble in life, before life starts to humble you instead. Believe me, it's better when you do it, rather than the other way around. Even Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. The One and Only, on his knees, at the feet of his servants, serving them himself. The hundreds of years before and those to come, the Romans had it right. Acting as if they were the god Jupiter, after they had won in a major battle, painted in red, riding in their chariots and with their massive armies behind them; having to be reminded by a Slave that even they - are still human. When you face that someone who seems to cut you down, who seems to push you around, who mentally or physically rules you - remember they too are just human. When that person that has millions more than you, or that person who has accomplished more in 5 years than most people will do their entire lives, remember. Equal throughout time, just humans. I may just be blabbering now, but I hope you get my point...
"A slave also stood in the chariot and whispered in his ear: 'Remember that you are human...'"
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Where has my...
Where
Where has my
creativeness gone
stuck on a line
I think about how
I used to write how I used
to flow so freely
Where have I gone
Inside
Inside here I'll try to
Find myself
I'll try
I might even lose
myself
trying to find myself
In here I'll lose myself
Maybe when I'm dead &
gone, In here - you'll
find where I
found myself
One day in the future
this book will ask
itself..."Where,
where has my creator
gone..."All I can say
is that, I went, I went
to go find myself...
Follow me as you
Discover yourself...
Where has my
creativeness gone
stuck on a line
I think about how
I used to write how I used
to flow so freely
Where have I gone
Inside
Inside here I'll try to
Find myself
I'll try
I might even lose
myself
trying to find myself
In here I'll lose myself
Maybe when I'm dead &
gone, In here - you'll
find where I
found myself
One day in the future
this book will ask
itself..."Where,
where has my creator
gone..."All I can say
is that, I went, I went
to go find myself...
Follow me as you
Discover yourself...
Saturday, February 19, 2011
a Sunrise
i think i shall paint a sunrise
almost as bright as the gleam
that's in your eyes.
the sand blown
the wind now shown
a bird flown
how i would love to paint your sunrise
i can see a tear in your eyes
beauty i see
you and me to be
this is a perfect sunrise
almost as bright as the gleam
that's in your eyes.
the sand blown
the wind now shown
a bird flown
how i would love to paint your sunrise
i can see a tear in your eyes
beauty i see
you and me to be
this is a perfect sunrise
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
The Ice Storm
Thursday, 1030 at night, it's below freezing, there's a slight drizzle coming down, ice is all over my car, my tires and the road...I'm bummed because it isn't snow.
I'm leaving a sushi restaurant after celebrating a friends birthday dinner. We all must be a little crazy, we all knew it was icing over, but we went out in it anyway to celebrate. They say you are who you hang around with...yea, all of us that we there - all just a little crazy.
I'm sitting in my car. I'm contemplating on whether to take the highways, everyone's post on Facebook said "Don't get on the highway..." I'm still contemplating.
I do some circles in the parking lot with some figure 8's involved, trying to warm the tires up before I get on the road. Fun.
I get onto Saratoga, about to pass Weber - doesn't look like I'm taking the highway. The back roads it is...maybe this is even less safe, no one is on the roads and those that are with me on these back roads will be coming the other direction, no room for error. I don't even think twice; this is going to get interesting.
Sometime further down the road I find myself - alone - on this black iced road; me and my thoughts, my fears, my aspirations, my life...my heart starts racing - I slide, I see the gleam of reflection of the frozen water over the black tar of the road, the lights went out all around me, a power transformer must have blown, it's dark, no one's behind me - nor in front. I can't see the road signs until I pass them. I can't stop suddenly or else I'll slide into a ditch, into a guard rail, into a pole...I have to wait till the next road...I'm getting lost on a road I thought I knew....
I think of Death. Maybe when I finally meet him he'll "high-five" me because I tested my mortality more than the next guy, or maybe he'll say "You came to me too early, stupid." Whatever it is...my time will be my time.
I don't know where I'm at, my GPS isn't working, it's too overcast outside. All the little towns are dark, the roads are black, my windshield is icing over, my heat is on full, my eyes are tired...it's midnight - I don't know where I'm at.
A car passes me - FREAKING IDIOT.
A car is going a little too fast the opposite direction on a curve. I parked my car thinking I was about to go save some other idiot that flew off . Didn't happen. Time to move on.
I see a sign - Petronila. I know where I'm at. Kinda, I point my car in a direction, I go. To get to where I need to though, I have to take this road - I can already tell my nerves are starting to peak. I'm snailing it on this one, I go off road - fun. I'm back on, no 180's yet, I'm almost there. This road is the darkest, and the iciest. There's two cars coming in the opposite direction, I'm not the only one out here. I let them have the road, I sit still. Maybe they'll lose control and plow into me, I can't control that. I sit here and wait. Seconds later, I'm still here intact. I move on. I make it to Robstown. I'm almost home free. I loosen up a little on the wheel. 10 minutes later I'm pulling into my driveway. I breath. I'm awake. I'm alive. I sit here for a while. I breath.
They say you are who you hang around with...
Late that night I was by myself...
I'm leaving a sushi restaurant after celebrating a friends birthday dinner. We all must be a little crazy, we all knew it was icing over, but we went out in it anyway to celebrate. They say you are who you hang around with...yea, all of us that we there - all just a little crazy.
I'm sitting in my car. I'm contemplating on whether to take the highways, everyone's post on Facebook said "Don't get on the highway..." I'm still contemplating.
I do some circles in the parking lot with some figure 8's involved, trying to warm the tires up before I get on the road. Fun.
I get onto Saratoga, about to pass Weber - doesn't look like I'm taking the highway. The back roads it is...maybe this is even less safe, no one is on the roads and those that are with me on these back roads will be coming the other direction, no room for error. I don't even think twice; this is going to get interesting.
Sometime further down the road I find myself - alone - on this black iced road; me and my thoughts, my fears, my aspirations, my life...my heart starts racing - I slide, I see the gleam of reflection of the frozen water over the black tar of the road, the lights went out all around me, a power transformer must have blown, it's dark, no one's behind me - nor in front. I can't see the road signs until I pass them. I can't stop suddenly or else I'll slide into a ditch, into a guard rail, into a pole...I have to wait till the next road...I'm getting lost on a road I thought I knew....
I think of Death. Maybe when I finally meet him he'll "high-five" me because I tested my mortality more than the next guy, or maybe he'll say "You came to me too early, stupid." Whatever it is...my time will be my time.
I don't know where I'm at, my GPS isn't working, it's too overcast outside. All the little towns are dark, the roads are black, my windshield is icing over, my heat is on full, my eyes are tired...it's midnight - I don't know where I'm at.
A car passes me - FREAKING IDIOT.
A car is going a little too fast the opposite direction on a curve. I parked my car thinking I was about to go save some other idiot that flew off . Didn't happen. Time to move on.
I see a sign - Petronila. I know where I'm at. Kinda, I point my car in a direction, I go. To get to where I need to though, I have to take this road - I can already tell my nerves are starting to peak. I'm snailing it on this one, I go off road - fun. I'm back on, no 180's yet, I'm almost there. This road is the darkest, and the iciest. There's two cars coming in the opposite direction, I'm not the only one out here. I let them have the road, I sit still. Maybe they'll lose control and plow into me, I can't control that. I sit here and wait. Seconds later, I'm still here intact. I move on. I make it to Robstown. I'm almost home free. I loosen up a little on the wheel. 10 minutes later I'm pulling into my driveway. I breath. I'm awake. I'm alive. I sit here for a while. I breath.
They say you are who you hang around with...
Late that night I was by myself...
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