Exist at all levels

No one is given a set of directions or a plan. Whatever you do after you fail, failing the same way is not an option. Once you succeed, succeeding the same way will never happen. Take into account the totality of each system you become apart of and master it. Hold yourself accountable for whatever outcomes occur. People are both predictable and unpredictable. Hone and sharpened your skills. Exist at all levels.   

(Paraphrased from my Prof Wheeless with some additions from myself) 

I think...

I think about death at least twice a day...maybe that's why I'm so alive.

For whom shall I vote? Part I

Please don't vote only on emotion. Watching the RNC and now the DNC, I know many people of our nation will vote by "emotion." That alone is not sufficient enough to make sound judgement on a ballot. Vote on logic, reason, and history. That might be to much work for some of you. So I challenge you, I'll try (because of my insanely packed schedule) to help you out. My first reading is of Alexis de Tocqueville's - "Democracy in America."

*Your homework for this session is to find out who he is and what he did during his age of life. Also, what this book is about!

Since we are at difficult times in our democratic-yet-not-so-democratic country's state of affairs today, I'll start off by what Mr. de Tocqueville has said about heads of government. It reigns true today as it did many years ago. Here it is: "On my arrival in the United States I was surprised to find so much distinguished talent among the subjects, and so little among the heads of government." I know many persons who would probably do a better job as a president than what they do in business, work, and life. Yet they choose not too and that is their freedom. Next, he says - "It is a well authenticated fact, that at the present date the most able men in the United States are very rarely placed at the head of affairs, but it must be acknowledged that such has been a result in proportion as democracy has outstepped all its former limits." Again, reiterating my former explanation. Finally he says - "The race of American Statesman has evidently dwindled most remarkably in the course of the last 50 years." I somewhat agree, especially during this stage of our political history. He goes on to say next by addressing this phenomenon. That it maybe the intelligence of the people (or lack thereof), and that this needs to be raised to a certain level in the people. He says that "...the human mind can never be instructed and educated without devoting a considerable space of time to those objects."

I challenge you. I hope within the next few weeks you can follow me and you can find out truth for yourself. This is just one of the many sources I based my truth, logic, reason, and some of my emotion on. I hope you can raise your knowledge (there are many forms of intelligence), by learning more before you cast that vote in the next few months.

The Mama

You guys who are good, upbeat, positive, have a lot going for you, and would like to think of themselves as nice; but yet wonder why some ladies prefer the jerk, negative, not-going-anywhere, type of guy...blame it on her mama. She didn't teach her daughter to look for the good guy. I'm starting to believe this the more I see it. Lesson for the day.

Cougars of a Lady

Normally I don't post stuff like this, but here it goes anyway. So I've been praying to God that I want to try to be in a relationship for once, because I haven't been in one in a very long time. It's not that I'm lonely, it's just that, there is a human need to have someone next to their side in this journey called life. So after praying for this, I've been getting answers… and it's different than what I was looking for. Randomly today, three different "cougars of a lady" have come up to me and all have said, and I paraphrase – "a young man like you should stay single and have fun." Well, so be it then…

Decisions

We are deciding about his last days. He lays on his bed. We talk about how certain actions will help or not. His voice sounds tired, yet he rasps away. He fights. What actions will bring the most pain or help with giving him no pain. Soon there will be no more fighting, no more pain. As everyone talks, he looks around the room, he sees me in the dark corner listening, observing, staring. He smiles at me like he always has. I wave and smile back. This moment, I shall take away... A decision to be happy, not sad.

The Middle

When the lowest of lows hits, remember it can only go up from there. When the highest of highs hits, remember it can only last for a second. Find balance in all, and be ready for change...

Simple

Knocking on the sky in a few. Find me on some random star. This souls time renew, only by afar.

[159] Self

This explains it perfectly...I against I. Staring into my own eyes...Wondering which one of me is going to overcome the other...On and on I could go, I will let this entry of George MacDonald explain though

"Self, I have not to consult you but Him whose idea is the soul of you, and of which as yet you are all unworthy, I have to do, not with you, but with the Source of you, by whom it is that (at)  any moment you exist - the Causing of you, not the caused you. You may be my consciousness but you are not my being....For God is more to me than my consciousness of myself. He is my life; you are only so much of it as my poor half-made being can grasp - as much of it as I can now know at once. Because I have fooled and spoiled you, treated you as if you were indeed my own self, you have dwindled yourself and have lessened me, till I am ashamed of myself. If I were to mind what you say, I should soon be sick of you; even now I am ever and anon disgusted with your paltry mean face, which I meet at every turn. No! Let me have the company of the Perfect One, not of you! Of my elder brother, the Living One! I will not make a friend of the mere shadow of my own being. Good-bye, Self! I deny you, and will do my best every day to leave you behind."

My struggle is within. I don't compete with others to best them. I compete with myself, to beat myself, to over come self. I don't mean to act as if I am better than others, I just rejoice in defeating my former self. People may just be caught up in the act and think I am trying to prove something to them, this is false. It is I who will overcome him that thinks he is me...

When it comes your time to die...

"So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion;respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.

Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none.

When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.

When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home." - Chief Tecumseh

Knowing and Doing...

"I am not interested with your talk about my ideas. I am more interested in your applying them to your life. If you do not, then you are essentially not in accord with your own mind." - M. Musashi; It's one thing to "know" what to do, it's another to actually do it...

There's a man...

There's a man
Who woke up today
With a smile on his
Face

There's a man tonight
Who's going to sleep
With a smile on his
Face

There's a man
Who's going to
Die tomorrow
with a smile on his
face

That's wondered today
Why you can't be
happy

Why he is 
And doesn't understand
Why you're sleeping
In a sad place

Why he's happy
And your slowly
Dying
at a negative pace

There's a man
Whose dreaming
That you can
Find this certain
grace

There's a man
Whose dying tomorrow
That wants to share
this which is
His bliss

His last dream
Is that you can

Become this...

Here's to a better you...

"Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart." - Marcus Aurelius

"The most hateful human misfortune is for a wise man to have no influence." - Herodotus


"Be sure that it is not you that is mortal, but only your body. For that man whom your outward form reveals is not yourself; the spirit is the true self, not that physical figure which can be pointed out by your finger." - Cicero

I will update with a reply to the quotes above. I just felt like I needed to post these to get me through tonight...

Vision or Sight

I want to tell you a story as I sit here in the hospital with my Dad after he had a major heart attack, after I took a random 3 day trip that started in the middle of the night, after I...well I'll stop there and just say that none of these past couple day events were planned. Spontaneity is sometimes king of our lives. So the story goes a little like this...
My Vision.
There I was in the 3rd grade painting a picture. Everything that stands out to me I say happened to me when I was in the 3rd grade, even if in reality it probably didn't. It's just a good grade to go by I guess. I'm sure you have a grade in which everything life changing happened. So there I was in the 3rd grade beginning to paint this picture. As I was figuring out what to paint I remember my art teacher saying, "Have a vision of where you'd like to be later in life and paint it." Have only being to the mountains of Northern Mexico when I was like 3 or 4, I wanted something like that scene. Vision - "imagination, or an unusually keen perception, a mental image of something imaginary." So I closed my eyes and tried to envision this picture. Once I had this fixed picture in my head, I picked up my brush and began to piece this picture stroke by stroke. I don't know if it took me an hour or a few days, I just know that when I finished, this place I painted is where I wanted to be. In the foreground was the colors of the flat plains. The skull of some bull left in time laying in the field, the slight wind swaying the grass, the fence line marking the boundaries, and this point of view - the place where I would stand watching this moment. Mid-picture was the rolling hills with the shadows of the flowing clouds casting different shades across the fields. Then as you looked above into the background, the legendary white-tipped mountains which will cause any bystander to wonder in amazement of how violent and beautiful this earth can be. The last piece to my vision - was this sun that set to the west that was like a red cyclopsed eye staring back at you in this multicolored blue wonderment of a sky. This was my vision.

My sight.
I'll try to make a long story short. I went into the military for a couple reasons but the top two were that I was trying to get away from the bad situation I put myself in, but most importantly to give myself to my country. First they sent me to bomb school, then on I went to missile school, went on a crazy dream ride from living on the beaches of Florida and California, then ended up in the wild west and settled for a while in Cheyenne, Wyoming. After living in Cheytown for a while, I got a bright idea and moved to Wellington, Colorado. I did all this, mostly only being able to see what was directly in front of me, going off a whim. I didn't think too much in those days, I just rolled with the flow, only making it up one hill to see another. Sight - "a perception of an object by or as if by the eye, to take aim, or to look carefully in a particular direction." I perceived an idea and took a certain direction, not knowing where it could lead me next. Taking things a step at a time and just mostly going with the flow. I moved to this awesome place called Wellington north of Fort Collins; Gods country. I would then go into a mortgage and buy my first place at the young and immature age of 25, but none-the-less it was a very smart decision. I knew deep down that place was suppose to be mine. After a few days, once settled into my condo, I remember looking out of my living room windows and then seeing what I had envisioned many years ago...I saw my painting in real life. I stood up, put my book down, and stared at what seemed a little unbelievable. My breathe, some what taken away, by a moment that time will not forget. That next weekend, I decided to drive out into and immerse myself in this scene and think about what got me there. A combination of both vision and sight.
I think that's what we need in life. To close our eyes and have a vision of something or someplace where we'd like to be in the future and put that picture in our hearts and minds for a future reality. Then take the steps we need to take, to make it through day by day. To see only far enough and not get a head of ourselves. One day realizing that what we envisioned, had come true. I don't know if I have that picture that I drew many years ago. What I do have though is a picture of me and the scene that I envisioned when living in Central Texas, which came true to be the Foothills of Colorado.
This weekend I went off a whim on an adventure with one of the prettiest gals around and had a great time with new friends. I'm now in this hospital with my family enduring with my Dad as he suffers. I've been taking things day by day, only seeing the next hill. What now lingers in me as I live throughout all this, is a picture I have in my heart and soul that I put into vision 6 or so years ago, maybe one day I might share it with you sometime...one day I know it will come true.
(Below is a self timed picture of me and the Awe that is in the Foothills of Wellington)

Watch this and Become...

 

God and I met when I randomly looked to the stars in the middle of a night on a volcanic rock island off the coast of Oman in the the Arabian Sea... if you haven't, I hope one day you can meet Him too. 

Now I do have a comment or two on this video. He does have a sound argument regarding people's personal relationship with Christ and with the subject of what we call "religion". The more bureaucratic the religion, the less the personal relationship with Christ. The more that "man" gets in the way to how a person should find Christ, the more of a chance they can get jacked up and confused of what, how, and who He is. I've seen it and have gone through it myself. A person, by themselves, can in fact find God without anyone else around and learn about Christ through the body of a church following the way of the Spirit. Religions sprout up because "man" believes that his way is the "Way," when Christ says the only way is "His Way." I do believe though that a religion can be there to help guide, but only minutely. The Church on the other hand, is all of us who believe in God, all of us who ask for forgiveness and that have come under this Spirit. Whether we're Catholic or Protestant, Baptist or Methodist, we all share in His grace. As Christians and even with our counter parts, the religion of Islam, we have the same God. Though as a Christian, and as experiencing what I have in my short lifetime with the Holy Trinity; I do combat and challenge that a prophet named Mohammed would have any power over Jesus; the former makes man a slave, the latter makes man free. This deepens the meaning of a religion enslaving man to God rather than God seeking man and man freely choosing to follow. This I do believe, that Jesus is God and that a Holy Spirit has been left here on Earth to guide and prepare us for a spiritual war that will come at the end of days. I'll try to prepare my spirit for these coming times... (As the days go on and I think about this more, I may change some sentences and words to have be stronger and more meaningful )

I'm on a roll...

I think women want a guy
they can control. Someone
somewhat
predictable like a
chart, they can patrol
I think when they find
out he's unrestrainable,
they let him go.
This love he has for them
now becomes unattainable
They send him on a mental trip
to some unknown
north celestial pole.
He becomes the play thing,
the toy.
The man
that reminds them of
that lost endless summer
fun boy
those days gone - bummer

He becomes the guy
they know they'll always behold,
yet who can't fill that void,
always untold.
their relationship just becomes
one theatrical role
The guy who they go to
to give them the
greatest whirl.
The guy who, in the end,
if they let him love them
would've gave
them the world...
Hey all you hearts
I'm on a roll

1-22

I really need to figure out how to put pictures and links on here. I guess a blog is supposed to be a thought, an idea, a moment in time, a view of something I find interesting. I guess it's supposed to be something that intrigues me at this specific moment between me and the vastness of endless space. An online journal that you get to read about. Maybe it's something that I find artistic in life and that I want to share with you. It could be a pain that I went through and years later I'm just now expressing or even now experiencing. It could be something I find upsetting. It could be a feeling that I am go going through now, and that I feel like sharing. It could even be something that let me and could hopefully, make us free. Maybe, it's just something that can connect you to me...
I really wish you could see this picture right now. A whole city passing, and I'm the only one here sitting, watching this scene - amazing...

Your Rue

I think you should
know
this is about you
I think you should
know
this is going to
cut you
into two

pick one
shun the other
pick one
or
don't even bother

I want you to know
this is about you
I want you to know
you're going to have to
choose one
or the other


five minutes
I stared at you
five minutes
I couldn't think
five minutes
into my mind
all I could do is
try and find our link
five minutes
the universe
didn't let me blink


endless
possibilities
all I could see
that's all it was about
was these
endless
could be realities
Your Rue, your
lost opportunity


that endless stare
my gazing care
feeling your hearts
meaningful tear
my crazed desire
a heart mazed
with fire
in dire
forever...
flaming higher

I think you
should know
this is about you
I think you are
in a fool's hall
to must
think this is
all

about you
and that dazed heart
of mine
would have been
yours
now only
in rue
between us
this crazed path
thus we fall

so tell me
between us
yes this just
is a gest
what's it going
to be
I gerere...

The Nice Guy

I wasn't always the nice guy
For many days and nights
I was the asshole bad guy
I was the guy she would talk to
the nice guys about
I was the guy who made her cry
on the nice guy
I was the guy who treated her
as bad as I wanted too
and was the guy she couldn't stop lovin'
I was the guy who killed her dreams
I was the guy who the nice guy
hated and couldn't understand
Sometimes I tried being the nice guy
but why would I
I had her in the palm of my hand...
I was the guy the nice guy
always wondered
"Why him..."
Then one day I left to another place
One day I went away
Far far away for many moons
I left that girl thinking about me everyday
Some days
I thought about her too
I even thought about
making her mine
On a snowy day I came back
from that desert of a place
that was far far away
to find the girl who loved me
who, even though everyday
I was an ass too
I found and heard that girl who loved me
had died
she flipped off the road into a ditch
a broken heart crushed twice
That day this bad guy became
a nice guy...
Now it's me who wonders
why you
are in love with that guy...

A Poem

Written 10 June 2010. Posted on blog, 8 Jan 2012

I just want to touch you
I want to float around and feel you
I want to go there - to the sky
I see you shine. I see you burn through the millennia
I want to be there where time has no name
I want to stay in a spot for a million years
and I want to watch you form
I want to see you gather and become
the Awe
I want to be there when you send
your first rays of light
and then I want to ride them
to a place a million miles away
maybe a billion
no, a trillion
Then I'll jump off and float around in the darkness
for a while
Until I start to search for and find
you
the Awe
once again...

A beginning...

"Alea iacta est," "Audeamus, " and finally "Dum vita est, spes est!"


More to come...